Disappearing

This is where I am at.

I am done. Done with this life. Done with this world and all its bullshit.

Done with surviving on scraps. Done with never catching a lucky fucking break.
Done with the heartbreak and grief that only I seem to carry.
Done with seeing pedos, rapists and those without souls, getting everything while I don’t even know how to survive the next coming days.

I have known almost nothing but suffering my entire life. And I am exhausted beyond belief.

The only light in my life, has been my wife and the love we once shared.
That’s now also gone and buried.

This world’s toxic cycle is finally coming to an end, and I am all alone for it.

I never believed this day would actually come but the unbreakable, unshakable hope I once carried inside of me like a buried ember
-
is now going out completely.

The gamble I took on myself, despite all the odds, was the last nail in the coffin.

I remain unseen, unchosen and unloved. A ghost that never died, yet is doomed to walk the earth alone.

Spirit has broken me and I am no longer able to stand.

The rebuild that was looming, appeared to simply have been a mirage or a dangling carrot.

Either way, I am done. If this is the end, then let it come swiftly. Without delay.

This world is too ugly for my soul and I wish I had never volunteered to come.

I don’t care what you think about me - I am drowning and there is nobody even realizing what is happening.

It’s always been this way and I have come to the conclusion it will not change.

Maybe I was wrong all along- God doesn’t exist and even if he did, he definitely doesn’t seem to care about me.

I used to believe in karma- preloaded all of mine this lifetime without receiving a lick of good karma in return.

This is it. My final breaking point.

I don’t care what happens to me any more. And I don’t think I ever really did.

The disappearance has commenced and I welcome it with open arms.

— Alex