Thank you for writing this. I related to it so much. I am Autistic and my partner of 17 years has ADHD. It was a match made in heaven, until I got very sick and our differences caused us to spiral apart in bad ways. We broke up for a couple of months. We were living together with our 2 young kids still.
But we have decided to give it another go now. Although I am sleeping in the garage away from the house because my nervous system needs silence at night now and he snores really bad.
Not many understand why we are trying again. But what we have is sacred, not replaceable. There was a time he was the only one my nervous system felt safe around, unfortunately he shattered that, and it is not easy to rebuild.
I still don't know how or if it's all going to work out. But we are still here, still trying, still choosing each other. With new boundaries. Because I won't give up my soverignty or my voice anymore to keep anyone else happy.
I feel this so much. That thing where two nervous systems once knew only safety with each other, and then suddenly everything spirals when the weight gets too heavy. People on the outside rarely understand why you’d fight for it again, but when something is sacred it doesn’t feel replaceable.
What you said about sovereignty—yes. That’s the line we learn to draw, not to disappear into keeping someone else steady while losing ourselves. I’ve been walking that same edge in my own marriage. We’re separated, but we haven’t given up on each other. Some days it feels impossible, some days it feels like the most natural thing in the world.
The fact that you’re both still here, still trying with new boundaries… that’s not nothing. That’s everything.
Blessings and luck to you both.🕯️
Much appreciated Violet.
Thank you for writing this. I related to it so much. I am Autistic and my partner of 17 years has ADHD. It was a match made in heaven, until I got very sick and our differences caused us to spiral apart in bad ways. We broke up for a couple of months. We were living together with our 2 young kids still.
But we have decided to give it another go now. Although I am sleeping in the garage away from the house because my nervous system needs silence at night now and he snores really bad.
Not many understand why we are trying again. But what we have is sacred, not replaceable. There was a time he was the only one my nervous system felt safe around, unfortunately he shattered that, and it is not easy to rebuild.
I still don't know how or if it's all going to work out. But we are still here, still trying, still choosing each other. With new boundaries. Because I won't give up my soverignty or my voice anymore to keep anyone else happy.
I feel this so much. That thing where two nervous systems once knew only safety with each other, and then suddenly everything spirals when the weight gets too heavy. People on the outside rarely understand why you’d fight for it again, but when something is sacred it doesn’t feel replaceable.
What you said about sovereignty—yes. That’s the line we learn to draw, not to disappear into keeping someone else steady while losing ourselves. I’ve been walking that same edge in my own marriage. We’re separated, but we haven’t given up on each other. Some days it feels impossible, some days it feels like the most natural thing in the world.
The fact that you’re both still here, still trying with new boundaries… that’s not nothing. That’s everything.